rydon_is_love

Well, Adam and me have been together for two months and one week.
And everything is still going great.
Today I picked him up from work and then we went to his garage and I helped clean up and watched him work on his truck.
The truck is almost finished, all he needs is a shifter, but his dad might loan him some money which would be nice, for him to finish the truck.
His job pays good, but he thinks he might be getting laid off.
I hope not, he really needs his job.
I really hope someone will call me back from one of the places I applied for because I really wanna get a job so I have some money coming in to help out with Adam and me getting a place.
Adam wants to get one by april, but if he gets laid off I dont think that will happen by then.

But Adam is amazing.
I never knew someone could mean so much to you.
Without Adam I would have nothing to live for.
He always makes me laugh, and when I have a bad day at home all I have to do is go up to see Adam and i'm fine. He has the key to my heart. There is just something about him that makes me get butterflies everytime we kiss. And I'm happy he feels the same way. The other day he said since we have been together he found his smile. That means a lot to me. We don't even have to talk. Like tonight we were laying in bed sleeping and at the same time we both woke up and looked at each other and smiled. I love when he whispers "I love you".

I see him everyday but the times when I have to go home we both hate it. We both wish I would never have to leave and I could just stay there and fall asleep in his arms.

We make each other better. He love playing music, and I love writing music. He likes to build things, and I'm good at designing them. We needed each other. Its like when we got together we locked, and we will never tear apart.

I love you Adam Burgess.
Forever and Always babe.
9-24-09.
XOXO

Well, this past month has been amazing.
Adam and me have been having so much fun.
I love how one person can make you think so different about life.
This past month Adam and me have done so much.
We shot a bow, seen deer, went to new places.
It has been so much fun.
And then I love the nights where we just lay there in his bed and cuddle and we dont even have to say a word.
I love him so much.
He is amazing.
This saturday will be our one month.
:)

Well,
I've know Adam for almost a year.
We always texted, and got along great together.
Everytime I got dumped he was there for me.
He was so sweet and adorable.
I never knew how much he really did like me.
And I never knew I would have liked him this much.

The past week Adam and me be hanging out.
The first night we went to the lake.
He was so sweet.
His eyes look amazing in the moonlight.
The second night, I went up to his place when he was working on his truck.
I watched for a while, then he came over and sat on the couch with me.
He cuddled with me, and kissed for hours.
Then he put his chin on my knees and smiled.
His smile made me so happy.
He has the most amazing smile i've even seen.
Today, I went back up to his place and we worked on his truck.
well, he did, i just watched and helped a little.
after that we sat on the couch together until I had to leave.

I would have never thought I would be falling for him.
I been looking for love in all the wrong places, when he was right in front on me.
He makes me happy.
Like happy I never felt before.
I think this was ment to happen.
I'm so happy i'm finally with him.
And I can't wait to see him again tomorrow.


xoxoxo

Yeah, the past couple of days have been good.
It snowed tuesday and wenseday so I didnt have school on wenesday.
I do like school though.
Last year you would never hear me say that.
But I have changed a lot.
I'm happy with my life.
I have really good grades in school, and i'm trying to get into college.
I just want to do the best out of my family.
I want them to be pround of me.
I wanna be the best.
Yeah, I know that sounds bad, but I love to prove people wrong.
When I do stuff people didn't think I could do I get so happy and pround of myself.
And one thing I just found out is I love learning new things.
I know it sounds dumb, But I really do wanna be very smart.
I'm so different from everybody.
Like, I can always think outside the box.

Life with boys, hmm where to start.
Well tommrrow I'm going to meet Ben.
He is so sweet.
He wants to date me, and yeah, I wanna date him.
But adam wants to hang out tommrrow.
I like adam but I really don't know if I could date him.
He just seems not my type.
I still talk to nathan, but I can feel something missing from it now.
And john is just a friend. He is not a dating type.
And ty, O boy. Yeah, He doesn't like me at all. And yes I am really over him.
I could date almost anybody but I'm not like that.
I just want one.
I don't cheat.
I don't Lie.
I'm just looking for love and so far it has gotten messed up.
But hopefully that will change soon.
I'm just so happy when I have a boyfriend.
I feel like i'm loved, and wanted.
And yes I do fall for boys, But i'm a girl.
Thats just me. lol.

Ahh. I'm cold.
I need to get heat in my room.
Or just put on my big pink furry slipper boots.
lol.
There so soft.
I want a pair in bright green.
lol.
Yes i'm randomly going on about stuff.
I'll stop, for now.

Yeah, so me and kevin are done.
haha, wow only 4 days.
his ex girlfriend started shit with me and he told me he cant deal with it.
he is still in love with her and didnt want me.
o well.
that's like wat? the 5th time that happened to me.
I was so pissed off and sad, but now i'm like whatever.
i miss him, but i dont know if i would take him back.
i mean yeah i loved him, he was so awesome and amazing.
i loved being around him.
but its all gone now.
I just wish I knew this was going to happen.
then i could have not even got with him, or feel inlove with him.
i fall for guys to easy.
thats a bad thing about me.
but i can't help it i just want somebody to love.
everybody says i'm so nice and sweet and amazing, but yet i can't find anybody.
maybe i'm just looking in all the wrong places.
but damn, how long do i have to look.
lol.
o well, i'll just stay single for now and take what life gives me.

Yay!
Thank god this year is almost over.
2008 was good, but also bad for me.
Yeah, not even going to start on that list because it would take me forever to finsh.

Hopefully in 2009 stuff will get a lot better for me.
At least I can say 2008 was way better then 2007.
In 2009 I just want things to go by a little bit smoother.
And get a boyfriend that wont cheat on me.
I'll be done with school soon, and getting ready to find a good job.
But after that I don't know what i'm going to do.
I just wanna have fun, but also try to find somebody I can be with.

So, here is to 2009.
Hopefully it will be a great year for me.

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

So, Today I Dyed My Hair Pink.
It's Fucking Amazing.
And Yeah I Love The Looks I Get.
Bad, Good. I Don't Care.
Everybody Can Talk There Shit.
I Love It.


Boys, Boys, Boys.
Wher To Start?
I Love Them, I Hate Them.
Nothing Ever Seems To Go Right With Boys.
I Flirt.
They Like.
Then They Fad Away.
Dumbasses.
I'm Like The Best Thing They Could Have.
But Whatever.

These Past Weeks Have Been Good.
No Drama Really.
Haha, Well Kinda.
But I Don't Really Care About It.
Drama Is Like My Second Middle Name.
I Try To Get Away From It But It Keeps Follow Me.
Maybe I Should Just Kick It Away?
I Don't Really Talk To Any Girls Anymore.
Girls Are Way To Bitchy.
I'll Just Chill With My Dudes.
Yeah, Call Me A Slut, Whore, Bitch I Don't Care Because I Know I'm Not.
Keep My Name In Your Mouth I Love It.
At Least Your Talking About Me.
Wow, Like OMG? She Did What! She Slept With Who's Bf?
haha, Funny Lies Like That Always Make Me Laugh.
Sorry Stupid Bitchies I Don't Sleep With Anybody.
So Last Week I Met This Boy,
And I Like Him,
But, I'm Going To Take My Time.
Even Tho His Tounge Ring Is Awesome.
Haha.
Yeah I Bet I'll get Called Something For Saying That.
He Is Like 3 or 4 Years Older Then Me.
But It's Cool.
Maybe He Will Come Over Today?
I Don't Know.
I Hope.
Why Do People Try To Be Perfect?
It's Not Going To Work.
I'm Sick Of Everybody Trying to Be Like Everybody Else.
Just Chill And Be WHo You Are.
People Will Like You Better That Way.
Yeah, I Am Who I AM.
Don't Like It?
Fuck Off.
Or You Could Just Talk ABout Me.
Thats Always Fun.
I Love To Hear All The Crazy Things People Say ABout Me.
Yes, Im 17.
Yes, Im A Virgin.
Yes, Im A Flirt.
So Fucking What.
If I Flirt With Your Man, Deal With It.
If They Say They Don't Have A Girl, Its Free Game To Me.
I Date Like A Guy.
If They Don't Like Me, Go To My BAckup.
Haha.
Im Just Like That.
So Call Me A Fucking Whore.
I Don't Care.
Because If You Stupid Little Bitchies Don't Stop Talking Your Shitt I'll Fuck You Boyfriend Crazy.
Ha.

Boys can make you feel so differet everyday.
One day you're on top of the world,
And the next day you feel like shit and don't wanna move.
Boys don't understand how they make us feel sometimes.
And it hurts.
It makes us just wanna give up.
But then when you think you're really over them,
They come right back.
And then you get hocked on the string right again.
And then you wonder,
Are they just playing mind games with me?
Or could this turn into true love.
You will never know.
Unless you try again.
And yes people might tell you,
He is a player, he is not right for you.
But then something in the back of your head tells you that you don't wanna give up on him yet.
You wanna try one more time.
and you say that everytime.
There is just something telling you to try again.
Never give up.
It's never to late to try again.
Your heart is yelling.
Its telling you to try again.
But your mind is saying no.
But you should always follow your heart.
Even if its not always right.
But when it is, Oh it fell is nice.
You don't even have works to say how good it fells.
I wanna know how this feeling is like.
I always wanted to know what this feeling is like.
I hope I feel it soon.
I always have this boy on my mind.
and other boys would love to be with me.
but I keep going back to him.
And i have know clue if he rly likes me.
I hope he does.
I really hope he does.
Don't take happiness for granted.
You well never have it all the time.

Trying to understand love is like wondering if pigs can fly.

Love is something that you will never really understand until its to late.

Never give up on something that you really want.
And if you do you will think about it everyday.
Trust me, I know this.
And yes I may only be 17 years old, but I have learned so much so far about this.

Never just think you wanna do something, Try it.
And yes I know I haven't done that before but I have been trying and yes sometimes it has not worked out, but when it does you feel is great.

and I know that feelng right now.

The first time I went I was so happy,
Later I found out other stuff that made me wanna cry,
But I found out it was all just a lie.
A stupid lie to try to get me un happy agai.

Now its back to what it was at first, But even better.
Everyday I wanna wake up just to see what will happen next.

And yes you may thing it is a bunch of bullshit, but really deep down in your heart you will one day feel this feeling too.

Heartbreck is not real if you never been with that person?

That is sadly not true.

It happens so many times even if they weren't together.

And those are the worst times in somebodys life.

I know it is. I been there.

I just hope I don't have to feel that way again.
For a very long time.

Everything is still okay.
Sometimes things just get out of control.
A little.
I just wish it wouls stop.
I'm tired of wasting my emotions of stupid things that will change in five mintues.
But what can I do.
Nothing.

Just got my driver's permit.
Open road.
Peaceful.
I love it.
Its something different to take my mind off of the other things.

And yeah, school just sucked this year.
everything really went down hill this year in school.
but I'm never going back to that school.
I hope this new one is different.

But maybe this things will help me.
get to take to people.
stop being so shy.

They need to work.
this small little round blue things.
taking two a day.
for now.
I hop this will stop everthing wrong.
I just hope.

When can I start being happy?
When can I have a life?
Why does everybody always find something to say about me?
I'm so sick of crying.
My stomach hurts so bad.
I don't know what I even want anymore.
What's the point of life?
So far my 17 years of life have been pointless.
When can I stop doing this?
I go to them and sit in that stupid room and talk out my probmels,
But it still doesn't help.
Time for the pills.
I hope the pills will take over my sadness and place some kind of fake happiness over me.
But, the pills won't work.
nothing can work.
everybody tells me im wortless.
and now i'm beliving them.
nobody would care if I left school.
Never came back.
Nobody would care if I was gone forever.
It would just be less time spent on me.
Everybody thinks I want attenion.
I don't.
I just wanna be left alone.
I just wish I could be normal.
Why do I have to be the one that has to suffer?
I fucking hate everybody!
I can't fucking take it anymore!
I wish somebody could understand what is wroung with me.
and maybe help me,
just a little.
thats all I want.

Give Up.
Thats What Everybody Wants Me To Do.
Everybody Has Given Up On Me.
Nobody Cares Anymore.
They May Act Like They Still Care, But They Don't.
Sorry I'm Not Perfect.
Sorry I'm Not What You All Wanted Me To Be.
I'm Not Going To Act Perfect For You.
Nobody Is Perfect.
And Nobody Will Ever Be.
I Don't Care If Everybody Has Given Up.
People Say I'm Just A Stupid Bitch.
I Don't Care.
Because I Know I'm Not A Bitch.
Just Don't Talk To Me And Then Talk Shit Behind My Back.
So Many People Do That To Me.
Everybody Is Fake.
There Are Only A Few Real People Let In This World.
And I Think I'm One Of Them.
If I Don't Like You, I Don't Like You.
Fuck You.
Thats What I Think.

Sitting Under A Green Tree,
Sky Blue With White Clouds,
But So Many Colors Coming Out From Under The Tracks In The World,
Fill This With Color,
And Never Trun Back,
Open It Up,
To Something New,
Never Stop Thinking What Is Right And Wrong,
You Can Only Trust Yourself,
Under Thsi Big Green Tree,
The Clouds Are Not The Limit,
Remember This,
And You'll Make It,
Ever If It Takes Forever.

It's Almost 12am And I'm Still Up.
I Hate Sleeping.
But I Hate Waking Up.
I Don't Know How To Fill.
Or What To Say.
My Mind Has Been Fucked Up This Past Week.
I Just Think Different.
Can't Stop At The Moment.
Never Look Back.
Never Forget What You Said.
My Mind Is Like The Sky.
A Big Open Land That Everybody Thinks They Know Something About, But Really Its All Just A Mistery.
Pills, Pills, Pills.
Never Help.
Nothing Will.
Thinking Like This Gets Everything Out.
Sitting Under That Big Tree.
In The Middle Of No Where.
Just Sitting There Looking Around At The Flowers.
Fuck No I'm Not Im Drungs.
Eww, Hell No.
Save The Earth, Hug A Tree.
Thats What I Think More People Should Do.
Doesn't ANybody Understand, We Are All Killing Each Other.
We Are Killing The Earth.
Save It.
Its The Only Place We Have To Live.
Why Don't You Understand That.
And Leave The Anamils Alone.
We Shouldn't Be Killing Them.
People Who Wear Fur Should Be Fucking Skinned.
And See How They Like It.
Yes, I Got Started On This.
And When I Do, I Don't Stop Very Easy.
Going To Bed, Trying To Sleep The Pain Away.
But Them When You Wake Its Back To The Same.

Happy Go Lucky.
Thats What I Been Feeling In The Past Week.
Everything Is Going Good.
No Bad Moments.
Nothing.
I Been Laughing And Having Fun For The First Time In A Long Time.
Everything Seems So Nice.
Even The Weather Is Better.
Everything Just Seems Really Good Right Now.
And I Don't Want It To End.
I Love It Like This.
Even If I Don't Have Anybody.
Maybe I Don't Need Anybody.
Maybe I'm Just Happy Being With My Family And Friends.
I Feel Like I Have Changed So Much In Just The Past Four Or Five Days.
I'm Just Myself Again.
Nothing To Worry About.
I Hope It Stays This Way.

Its Cold.
And I'm Still Tired.
But Not Tired Of Everybody Else Anymore.
This Past Three Days Has Been Good.
And Im So Glad About That.
I Wish Other People Knew How Much I Change.
Going Up And Down With Feelings.
Sometimes I Feel Like I Shouldn't Care At All.
But Then I Thing That Wouldn't Be Right.
Everybody Has To Feel Something.
Even If It Is Bad Sometimes.
I Think Different From Other People.
And I Love That.
I See Stuff Different Then Other People.
I Could Like At A Photo And See Something So Different From The Next Person.
I Like To Think Of Myself As A Person That Thinks Deep, And Lets My Mind Wonder.
Wonder Till No End.
Writing Stories Is One Of My Favortie Things.
Other Then Photography And Fashion.
Writing Lets You Think Of Everything You Want To Say But Never So.
Or Once Again, Let Your Mind Wonder Into The Wildness.
So Many People Don't Think Open Minded.
They Just Have This Thing That Tells Them The Way Everything Should Be.
And Nothing Ever Different.
What Kinda Life Is That?
Not Very Fun.
Why Not Be Different?
Whats It Really Going To Hurt?
Some People Call Me A Outcast.
But I'll Let Them Think What They Want.
I'll Be The Better One On Top In A Few Years.
Yes. I'll Say It Again.
I'll Be Better.
There Is Nothing Wrong With Saying That.
Your Just Making Yourself Better.
Knowing More.
And Let The Haters Hate.
Thats The Only Thing There Good At.
They Don't Have A Life.
Fuck Them.
Fuck The Two Face Bitches Also.
Fuck Everything That Is Fake.
Why Must Everybody Be So Fake These Days.
Whats The Point Of It?
Everybody Can See Your Fake So Just Stop Before You Make It Even Worse.
But Everybody Can't Have There Way.
Thats Why I Sit And Let My Mind Think Off The Top Of My Head.
Becasue Its Random And I Love It.

Fuck Everything.
I'm So Fucking Done With Everything.
I'm Sick Of Everything.
It Seems Liek Everybody Fucking Hates Me.
Everybody Is Always Disapointed In Me.
I'm Never Okay.
Nothing Ever Goes My Way.
Its Always Fucking Up.
I Don't Even Have Friends.
Just One Really Good One.
My Best Friend.
And Some Other Ones Online.
I Wish I Had More Friends.
I Wish I Had Somebody To Love.
But How Can I Love Somebody If I Can't Love Myself.
I Like Helping People With There Problems.
But I Hate Talking About Mine.
I Bottle All Mine Up.
And Then I Epxpoled.
I Don't Know What To Fucking Do.
Why Am I Even Living?
Why Is It So Easy For Everybody To Be So Happy?
I Don't Even Know How It Feels To Be Happy.
I Fake A Fuckign Smile So People Don't Ask Me Whats Wrong.
I Don't What Them To Know.
I Don't Want Everybody To See Me Weak.
I Can't Be Like That.
I Cry To Myself.
I Don't Want Other People To See Me Like That.
Never.
I Fucking Hate Fakes.
And I Just Found Out One.
They Lied.
I Belived Them.
God I'm So Fucking Stupid.
I Fucking Hate Being Lied To.
I'm I Just A Easy Target?
I Guess.
Since I'm A Nobody.
I Wish Everything Would Start Going My Way.
Just So I Can Have A Life.
Just For Once.

I Don't Know What To Do Anymore.
I Can't Take It.
Sometimes I Will I Was Never Born.
Everything Is So Fucked Up.
If I Get Kicked Out They Lose The House.
Why Should That Have To Fall Onto Me.
I Can't Help It That.
Everything Is On My Shoulders.
Anything I Do Is Never Right.
I Don't Know What I Can Ever Fucking Do To Make It Right.
I Wish I Wasn't Like This.
I Hate It.
I Just Wanna Get Away From It All.
Just Be Alone.
Or Something With Somebody Else.
And Never Have To Worry About This.
God, How I Wish Things Were Different.
I Feel Fucking Sick To My Stomach Because Of This.
And Then The Other Thing.
There Still There.
I Can't Think Of Anything Else.
But Now A New Thing Popped Up Into The Picture.
Maybe This Could Work.
But I Don't Think It Will.
Its To Much.
Not Me.
Eww, Why Me.
He Can Do Way Better.
I'm The Last Person Anybody Would Ever Want.
I'm Just Somebody That Everybody Forgets About.
Just That Lonely Girl.
Never Had Anybody.
Never Will.
I Don't Know Why I'm Still Around.
Its Just A Waste Of Fucking Time.
I Don't Know Anymore.
I Can't Even Fucking Think Straight.
I Just Wish I Knew If Its Going To Get Better.
Because So Far Its Not.

Have You Ever Felt So Many Feelings, But None At All.
Nothing Seems Right.
Everything Is Wrong.
Or IS This Just Me Thinking Off The Top Of My Head.
I Don't Really Know.
But It Doesn't Bother Me.
Mixed Feelings.
Good, Bad, Or Just Right?
Who Knows.
I Don't.
Yet.
Thinking Different Is Always A Good Thing.
Fuck What Others Say.
Be Different.
Its Good For You.
Don't Be Like EveryBody Else.
Its Just A Fake Show.
Yes, This Fake Show Keeps Going On And On Getting More Fans Every Fucking Monment Of The Day.
Show Yourself.
Not Them.
Don't Be Other Plastic Mold In This Perfection World.
Perfection Is Nothing.
Being Differnt Is Everything.
Mindless Thinking All The Time Helps Everything.
Coming With Stuff Off The Top Of Your Head Is The Future Of The Crazy Ass World.
Don't Let Other Things Stop You.
Its Nothing, If You Can't Have It.
Try To Move On.
But Always Remember Everything Like It Deppened On Your Life.
Stop Everything.
Stop The Shit.
Start Something New.
Something Differnt.
Well This Is Just A Bunch Of Bullshit you Might Think.
But, Really I Don't Care.
This Is How I Think.
And I Love It.
Yes Think What You Want.
I Will Always Be Like This.
With Something Differnt to always Say.
Remember Love Is A Four Letter Word.
But Hurt Is Also.

I Knew It.
Why Would I Ever Try It Again.
I Knew It Would Never Work.
Why Do I Go Back To Them And Think This Time Will Be Different?
I'm So Fucking Stupid.
I Always Think, Hey This Is Different, They Told Me It Would Be.
They Had Eveything Planed Out.
Within The Next Month I Might Of Had A Shot.
But Its All Changed Now.
Everything Has Flipped.
They Will Always Be Together.
They Have To Be Now.
Its Just Not Fucking Right.
They Aren't Mad For Each Other.
I Just Know It.
But I Fell Hard This Time.
And Now I Finally Hit The Ground.
The End.
Its Over.
Any Chance I Had Is Over.
Forever.
And I Can't Do Anything About It.

If Only They Knew, How Much I Cared.